


Kraken Hell

by TheFoxPack



Category: Bleach, Heirverse
Genre: Absurd, Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Manga & Anime, Metafiction, Mythology References, Parody, Sea Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 20:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFoxPack/pseuds/TheFoxPack
Summary: A team of warriors fights a kraken in order to provide you with new fiction. Basically a send-up of everything that is awesome/insane/wut? about Shonen anime and manga. Written in the vein of Jojo's bizarre adventure.





	Kraken Hell

**Author's Note:**

> A/N We don't own anything except Wolfy owns the Kraken. And we own our weapons lol
> 
> Summary: The battle is nigh as the lady warriors prepare for the fight of their lives.

The Krakenslayer had just returned from her day job. In spite of her exhaustion, she carefully applied her warpaint and picked up the harpoon Kraken's Fate. It's runes glowed blue in the shadows of her writing cave. Then, screaming a warcry, she ran into the kraken cave to do battle for the pack.

Lady Fujoshi rose from where she was lounging in the cave waiting. She laughed at The Krakenslayer's ferocity.

"Need any help?" she offered, taking a pair of metal nets from their hooks on the wall. Had she known the trial that awaited perhaps she wouldn't have. No she would, she was pack, they were pack and the others were relying on them.

Mad Nikolaya stopped bantering with Supersaiyan Sally, her blood sang for the hunt at the sight of her packmates girding themselves for battle.

"Slayer! Yeah, let's do it!" she cried.

"Yes, metal nets and tranq guns!" The Krakenslayer called, aware of her packmates' lack of kraken-fighting experience. "Please translate for me someone, no time," The Krakenslayer called, as she held up the yellowed manuscript that would, hopefully, reveal the time at which the ritual had to be performed to activate the scribe-stone. Provided that they could defeat the kraken guarding it.

"God bless mania at times like these," she muttered as she worked frantically on her own piece of writing to sacrifice in the coming ritual.

With a warcry, Lady Fujoshi jogged into the Kraken cave behind The Krakenslayer, hauling the heavy nets with a pair of tranq guns slung across her back.

"ATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" The Krakenslayer screamed, firing Kraken's Fate as the creature roared at the sudden incursion into its territory.

Lady Fujoshi fired off a succession of darts from the semi-auto tranq gun, and heaved a net at the creature. The thing was huge, far bigger than she'd expected and the net only wrapped around a single tentacle, pinning it to the ground. The Kraken roared again, enraged by the net, and flailed at the pack with its free tentacles.

One of the tentacles, almost as big as Lady Fujoshi's leg itself, slammed into her thigh and knocked her to the ground. When she saw Lady Fujoshi go down, The Krakenslayer abandoned Kraken's Fate, empty and momentarily useless as it was, made a desperate leap onto the Kraken's head and clung on with both hands.

"Not my packmates you bitch!"

Lady Fujoshi scrambled to her feet, while the Kraken was occupied with shaking The Krakenslayer off its head. She limped over to reload Kraken's Fate, while The Krakenslayer clung on for dear life.

After reloading Kraken's Fate which, thanks to a bloodbonding rune, could only be used by The Krakenslayer, Lady Fujoshi shouldered one of the tranq guns. She rapid-fired another round of tranqs into the softer belly, which was now exposed thanks to the kraken's own attempt to shake The Krakenslayer loose. She followed the barrage with the remaining, larger weighted net and managed to pin several tentacles.

Supersaiyan Sally had watched as her packmates charged off half-cocked, high on the thrill of the hunt. Being a more cerebral warrior, she went to rummage through the equipment trunk. She pulled out random shit useless for this mission, Rubberduck (why was that there) violin (no, they were hunting a Kraken not a cerberus)

"Damn it where is it?!" she muttered as she rifled through the contents, well aware of how much time it was taking. Hat (not a cold weather mission), full Urahara Kisuke cosplay (no need for a disguise) entirety of the LotR series (the sacrifices for this ritual had to be written by the participants)...

"AHA! " she cried finally as she pulled out a harpoon, spare tranq gun and helmet. She turned and sprinted into cave with a feral grin on face, ready to share in her pack's victory or doom. She joined the battle tossing a first aid kit to Lady Fujoshi without breaking stride and set to loading the spare tranq guns.

Mad Nikolaya threw a rock to distract the kraken and flew in with her sword Kisuke's Wrath.

"No Kraken is taking us down!" she cried, with the ecstasy of battle coursing through her veins.

From her vantage point atop the Kraken, The Krakenslayer watched her packmates with admiration, as they fought bravely against the giant creature. She only wished that Nightfox was with them, but she had abandoned her post and they had to defeat the Kraken without the pack's third founder.

"WIR SIND DIE KRAKEN JAGERS!" she screamed, and with a monumental effort threw reins around the kraken

"Submit, surrender and BEHAVE!" she ordered.

"Thanks Sai!" Lady Fujoshi said and took advantage of the temporary lull in combat to use the first aid kit. She wrapped her leg in gauze and applied an analgesic.

"Comply to my will and obey. Obey. OBEY!" The Krakenslayer roared over the din of battle.

Lady Fujoshi rose to her feet stiffly and threw the last two weight nets, which Mad Nikolaya had brought. They hit true and pinned the remaining tentacles. Having accomplished that, she moved to stand guard over Supersaiyan Sally and Mad Nikolaya.

"MUHAHHA AS IF A KRAKEN COULD STOP US!" Supersaiyan Sally screamed with a nod at Lady Fujoshi for watching their backs.

"Omg Slayer, the Kraken is your Zanpakuto manifestation!" Lady Fujoshi cried out as the realization hit her.

"Oooo," The Krakenslayer gasped, it was so obvious now. "Oh my god! If I beat him I do I get bankai!?"

"Oh my god, I don't know! Maybe? Wheee!" Lady Fujoshi yelled, thrilled for her packmate, as she ran around the beast, to make sure that the nets were holding.

"Fire broadside!" The Krakenslayer ordered. She wrestled with the reins to subdue the struggling Kraken at it emitted deafening roars.

"It's not just about beating him!" Supersaiyan Sally called, bringing her skill as a loremaster to bear. "You have to accept him! Not as a friend, or a Lover, or a parent! He is your Zanpakuto! Accept him and use him as such! Now go Forward! Hesitate and you will die!'" a remembered bit of information from 'The Trials of Zangetsu' that she'd never dreamed would be useful.

Lady Fujoshi tossed The Krakenslayer a harpoon gun with her left hand, then shouldered the tranq gun in her right and fired into the kraken's flank.

Through her exhaustion The Krakenslayer heard Supersaiyan Sally's speech, felt determination suffuse her aching muscles.

Supersaiyan Sally readied her harpoon and aimed for the spot Lady Fujoshi had shot. She hoped that the tranq's muscle relaxing effect would loosen the armored scales, that had been held down tight in an impenetrable defensive posture.

"FIRE!...Lady Fujoshi watch out!" she yelped in horror as one of the Kraken's tentacles slipped free of the net and swept towards her packmate.

At the warning Lady Fujoshi leaped into air, caught the harpoon that The Krakenslayer threw down to her and shot. The harpoon struck home with enough force to drive the tentacle down, and pin it to cave floor.

Supersaiyan Sally pumped her fist in air, giddy with relief, "Heelll yess! Way to go Lady Fujoshi!"

Supersaiyan Sally grabbed Kraken's Fate and tossed, The Krakenslayer caught her weapon and aimed on the frenzied beast under her. "READY?!"

"READY!" Supersaiyan Sally replied.

Lady Fujoshi sprinted out of the line of fire, "READY!"

"Why is your kraken insane?" Mad Nikolaya asked cheerily. Then with a cocky smile, she cast a turtle blast wave at the aforementioned creature.

"AIM..." The Krakenslayer warned.

Lady Fujoshi rushed to reload, and aimed as well.

The Krakenslayer screamed, "FIRE!" Kraken's fate released its bolt with a soft, sinister twang, and sank into soft krakenflesh with a squish.

Lady Fujoshi fired the tranq gun with one hand and harpoon gun with the other, a battle crazed grin on her face.

Supersaiyan Sally maneuvered the massive, wheel-mounted, four barreled harpoon gun Doom of R'lyeh into position. "Slayer, you have to be the one! We can only help you so far! THIS IS YOUR FIGHT! SOME FIGHTS ARE FIGHTS OF HONOR THIS IS ONE OF THEM! NOW:GOOOOO! " she roared, again paraphrasing 'The Trials of Zangetsu'.

Lady Fujoshi felt a rush flow through her at Supersaiyan Sally's speech, invigorating her flagging body.

The pack elder, Moxie watched her packmates, and tilted her head, considering.

Is it time yet? she wondered. Yes? The circumstances were dire. Okay, Protective Mama Wolf Special Attack activated! She decided and launched herself at the kraken's throat.

"Wait! Does the Kraken have a damned throat?" she asked. In her moment of hesitation a waving tentacle snared her and she forced to hold on for dear life as it whipped around wildly.

"Oh, I'm gonna be sick!" she moaned.

"Moxie! Shit!" Supersaiyan Sally cried and grabbed a tranq gun. She dodged tentacles to retrieve the net that had fallen free, useless and rushed to her packmate's defense.

Lady Fujoshi jumped on the rogue tentacle and crawled up the perilous surface toward Moxie.

The Kraken roared a deafening cry like an explosion and bucked, throwing The Krakenslayer off, she sailed through the air and smashed into the cave wall.

"ARRRGHH!"

"SLAYER!" Lady Fujoshi cried. She leaped off the tentacle and ran to The Krakenslayer's side, with Supersaiyan Sally's first aid kit in hand.

"Slayer!" Supersaiyan Sally yelled in horror. She knew there was nothing she could do though and tried to focus on Moxie clinging desperately to the tentacle.

"Should I let go?" Moxie shouted down. She tried to listen, but couldn't hear anything over the kraken's roar.

"Was that LET GO or DON'T FREAKING LET GO?"

Supersaiyan Sally opened up the net beneath the tentacle, laid her coat on it to cushion the metal mesh and stood ready to catch her packmate.

"LET GO!" she roared back.

"MOXIE LET GO! SUPERSAIYAN SALLY WILL CATCH YOU!" The Krakenslayer cried out from where she laid at the base of the wall, every bone aching. Lady Fujoshi reached her and began to treat her wounds. She let her eyes flutter closed, so tired and it hurt so bad. She remembered Supersaiyan Sally's words though and when Lady Fujoshi was finished, forced herself to crawl painfully back to the battle, knowing that if she didn't she would regret it forever.

Moxie let go of the tentacle. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"OHH FUUCK" Supersaiyan Sally yelled as she saw that Moxie's trajectory was off and rushed forward to get the net in position. Unfortunately she tripped on the damp, uneven stone floor and fell flat on her face, completely missing the falling pack member.

Moxie spun through the air and somehow managed to land on all four feet, her knees bending to absorb the impact.

Supersaiyan Sally groaned at her failure, but watched in astonishment as her packmate landed with acrobatic grace.

"Whoa! I wanna do that again!" she yelled high on survival and ran to help The Krakenslayer.

The Krakenslayer had managed to get to her feet but was panting and muttering curses, " 'm fine guys... ah," she broke off and grabbed her shoulder. "Ouch."

Lady Fujoshi, no longer playing medic, busied herself dipping the harpoons in poison and tranq juice.

"Don't cut yourselves with these!" she warned as she handed them out.

"I think we need to make some kind of plan, not go in half-assed. Any ideas?" Moxie asked.

Supersaiyan Sally snapped from berating herself by Lady Fujoshi's voice, leaped out of the line of fire, and ran cautiously to join her packmates.

"Well I'm guessing Lady Fujoshi wants to poison it? Rest of us could distract him while Lady Fujoshi lands a hit on his stomach? How exactly can we take him out? Right now we only seem to make him angrier." Supersaiyan Sally said, rubbing her aching face. Despite all of her brave speech making she had begun to feel the insurmountability of their task.

"Fuck my plan was to go in half-assed! Ummm maybe ask Seireitei for help? Wait for Nightfox?" Lady Fujoshi offered.

"Slayer, you wouldn't happen to have a 'How to Train your Kraken' Manual, would you?" Supersaiyan Sally asked. She wished she'd studied that one, but a loremaster had to prioritize and who would have thought? Kraken's were supposed to have gone extinct centuries before.

The Krakenslayer opened her backpack, "Let's see." She began removing harpoons, tranqs, poison darts, a book on kraken anatomy, her coveted flower dictionary…

"I know! I'll try my YOI Victor Nikiforov wink attack!" Moxie said suddenly.

"Hmm, is this a boy or girl Kraken? I guess it could also be a gay boy Kraken? Do Kraken's have genders?"

"If it's the Victor Nikiforov wink attack I don't think gender matters, nobody can say no to Victor." Supersaiyan Sally replied.

"You've got that right, Supersaiyan Sally! There is no defense... It's the "Crane Kick" of love!" Moxie agreed.

"No escape from Victor's love..." Supersaiyan Sally muttered. "Uhhmm not to make you rush or anything but Kraken-san looks kinda pissed," she added to The Krakenslayer, pointing at the raging kraken.

"There's only one thing to do if the Victor Nikirov wink is used on you...the Renji Abarai seductive smile!" Lady Fujoshi put in sagely.

"Aha!" The Krakenslayer cried, and took from her backpack a thick, grey book that upon closer inspection they could see was bound with shed kraken skin. She consulted the training manual as quickly as she could.

"Ch 24, So Your Kraken Went Berserk..." she muttered to herself.

Supersaiyan Sally was staring at the backpack in shock, sweat beaded on her forehead as she considered its size.

"H-how much does that Thing fit? It doesn't even look that big...how does that work?" she asked. This was not computing in her rational, ordered mind. She'd never read of its like in the lore and began to feel a bit panicky as it seemed to short out her brain, with a flashing 'cannot exist' sign.

The Krakenslayer smiled at her packmates, more relaxed now that they had some information to go on. "Kraken-san is male, Moxie," she confirmed, belatedly.

She touched her Pack 11 insignia and thought about how happy she was to be surrounded by like-minded people.

"Time Lord Science, Supersaiyan Sally. It looks normal size but it's bigger on the inside!" she explained.

Supersaiyan Sally perked up instantly, "OH! So it's like the Tardis! Is it conscious?" she asked, her fear now outweighed by her need for knowledge.

"So, if Kraken-san is male, then how about the Matsumoto Breast Squeeze attack? Wait, whose boobs are more able to smother? Matsumoto or Yoruichi?" Moxie asked.

"Both lol," Lady Fujoshi replied, as she started to load the guns with newly poisoned harpoons.

Supersaiyan Sally eyed them uneasily. "S-Slayer? I think Lady Fujoshi is about to take drastic measures...Does that Manual say anything helpful?"

"Everyone use the seduction techniques and I'll go for the heart," Lady Fujoshi instructed, in her element as a Master grade pornomancer.

"Kay. I have a plan," The Krakenslayer said with a wistful sigh because Nightfox wasn't there and The Krakenslayer missed her. She knew how much her absent packmate would want to be fighting at their side.

"Moxie, you're the acrobatic figure skatery one, use your Victor attacks and distract him. Sai, net the tentacles, do all you can to immobilize him. Lady Fujoshi, Tranqs and poison darts are your priority. Load him up with tranqs so he gets less co-ordinated. Gimme one of the poison harpoons, I'll need to deliver the killing blow, cover you guys and do something about those tentacles with Sai," she took a breath, "Everybody ready?"

"Okay, I'm going with the Victor Nikiforov Wink attack! Following with a Victor Nikiforov inspired quad flip dazzle chaser!" Moxie acknowledged.

Supersaiyan Sally nodded and straightened the nets, "On three?"

"Gotcha!" Moxie confirmed.

"Alright...One!" Supersaiyan Sally started the countdown.

"Is that one, two and go on three? Or one, two, three, then we go?" Moxie asked.

"Uhh the first? So one, two and on three we Charge." Supersaiyan Sally said.

"Fantastic. I'll go for the heart," The Krakenslayer said. Lady Fujoshi handed her the poisoned harpoon that she'd requested, she loaded it into Kraken's Fate and took a deep breath, "Let's kill this bitch."

"TWO!" Supersaiyan Sally continued, and cast a glance at The Krakenslayer, as she prepped Kraken's Fate.

"Ready here! Preparing to wink!" Moxie said.

"THREE!" Supersaiyan Sally yelled.

Moxie sprang into action with a wink, followed by a quad flip dazzle maneuver.

"I've got him distracted!" she cried. "Why is he looking at me like I'm DINNER?"

"CHAAAAAAAARRRGE!" the Krakenslayer roared, rushing in with a warcry.

Lady Fujoshi leaped into the fray with harpoons.

The Krakenslayer ran with Kraken's Fate at the ready, alongside Moxie as the pack elder ice-skated towards the ferocious creature.

"It's okay I'll cover you!" she called, aware that her packmate would be vulnerable during the time intensive attack.

Supersaiyan Sally ran behind her packmates, spread out the first net on the run and threw it midstride at the first tentacle. The kraken swiped at her and she ducked as the slimy limb brushed her hair. She didn't notice the second tentacle until it slammed into her right shoulder and ribs.

"URGHH!" she cried out in pain, but still had the presence of mind to latch onto the tentacle and fastened the net around it as she held on.

"I got one!" she gasped.

Moxie launched herself into a complicated attack combo beginning with a Quad Toe Loop that flowed seamlessly into a Triple Toe Loop SLAP Maneuver. Blood gushed from the kraken's side, but Moxie skated nimbly out of the way and remained unsullied.

"Way to go Moxie!" Supersaiyan Sally yelled, breathless as she clung to the tentacle. She beat the tentacle with her steel baton, Ichigo's Will in an effort to disable it.

"Goddammmitt...just hold still will you?" she snarled, as she grappled with the slippery limb and finally wrestled it to the ground.

"Sai!" Lady Fujoshi called out, tossed the first aid kit back to her and charged into the thick of the battle. She raised her harpoon gun and with cold precision aimed for the heart.

Still astride the damaged tentacle, Supersaiyan Sally caught the kit. "Thanks!"

Moxie leaped into the air and executed the Midair Christophe Giacometti Own Ass Grab, thoroughly distracting the kraken.

The Krakenslayer took the opportunity to fire Kraken's Fate, the harpoon flew true and pinned the tentacle that Supersaiyan Sally held still. "Yes! one down!"

"Ehhh," Supersaiyan Sally groaned as she got up covered in sweat and breathing heavily, "Only an infinite amount left..." Supersaiyan Sally said as she quickly attended to her wounds before returning to the action.

Lady Fujoshi watched as her poisoned harpoon shot forward and sank deep into the kraken eliciting an anguished roar.

"Dammit!" she hissed, immediately aware that she'd missed the heart.

Supersaiyan Sally scooped up a harpoon gun and fired. The bolt pierced another tentacle and pinned it to the cave floor.

Moxie dry swallowed a Yuri Katsuki extreme stamina pill and grinned, "BRING IT ON BITCH!"

"'Extreme stamina'" Supersaiyan Sally muttered, laughing, as blood dripped from her nose.

Lady Fujoshi jumped, grabbed the harpoon protruding from the Kraken's chest, and felt herself drawn into the air as the Kraken reared in pain.

Moxie caught hold of a loose tentacle and tied it into a heart shaped knot.

"Feel my love now, Kraken?" she taunted.

Supersaiyan Sally returned her focus to the battle and saw her senpai hanging from the kraken's chest some thirty feet in the air. "SENPAI!"

The Krakenslayer wrestled with a tentacle, laughing and attempted to copy Moxie, as she giggled at the excellent pun.

"Sorry about that nosebleed, Sai," Moxie called with a face splitting grin.

Lady Fujoshi jerked on the harpoon and it sliced the skin apart, laying the Kraken's s chest open. Blood sprayed in her mouth as she grinned in triumph.

Supersaiyan Sally wiped blood from her face, "No Problem..."

She looked back at her senpai worried, "Hang in there senpai! When we get some of those tentacles down we can help you!" She rushed to deal with the next tentacle.

"Is this going to get bloody now?" Moxie asked conversationally. She prepared a bottle of Victor Nikiforov's Blood Spatter Avoidance Gel, mixing the two components.

" '...Gel...?...' ...Lube...?..." Supersaiyan Sally muttered, her mind back in the gutter as she continued laughing like a pervert.

Moxie laughed and pointed at herself.

"Bleach yaoi queen, , I meant to fill your minds with perverted thoughts. It helps in battle to think perverted!" she said.

Lady Fujoshi drew her poisoned dagger, Sesshomaru's Pride and drove it into the Kraken's heart with all her considerable strength. Her blade pierced the heart and she screamed with victory as it burst in a geyser of blood and shredded muscle.

Moxie filled with the ecstasy of victory and joy at her packmates success began to sing the 'WE WERE BORN TO MAKE HISTORY' anthem.

Supersaiyan Sally snapped out of it at the sound of the victory song, "PACK HUG!"

"Oh shit, SAI HELP ME READY THE NET TO CATCH LADY FUJOSHI!" The Krakenslayer shouted as she grabbed a net and sprinted towards Lady Fujoshi.

Supersaiyan Sally looked over at The Krakenslayer and realized that they had celebrated prematurely.

"Already? Can we get through those tentacles?" she asked, but she had already speared the next tentacle down with a harpoon, not even bothering to load it in a gun. She ran to join The Krakenslayer.

"WE WERE BORN TO MAKE HISTORY, BITCH!" Lady Fujoshi screamed at the Kraken, as she fell into the waiting net.

As soon as her packmate was safe Supersaiyan Sally dropped the net and tackled her "Lady Fujoshi! Ehehe Senpai I was so worried!" she gushed. Lady Fujoshi hugged her back.

"It's ok I'm alright."

The Krakenslayer, relaxing now that Lady Fujoshi was safe, laughed at the innuendos and pack antics with the others until the kraken ROARED with pure unadulterated rage.

"Oh shit," she breathed, and followed the others as they bolted to what approximated a safe distance. She leafed rapidly through the Kraken Anatomy book, while her packmates stood guard and reloaded the harpoon guns from a dwindling supply.

"Guys, Krakens have two hearts!" she cried stunned and held up an anatomy diagram of the kraken circulatory system for the pack to see.

"Of course they have two hearts because the universe fucking hates me!" Moxie snarled.

Supersaiyan Sally just sighed.

"Now we just need to find a way to get the second heart," Lady Fujoshi said.

The Krakenslayer hugged her packmates, "Guys Positive Mental Attitudes, we got this!"

"But this does come in handy...who knows what sort of ramifications it could have for Lady Fujoshi to go around defeating somebody else's Zanpakuto," Supersaiyan Sally said biting her lip in thought.

Lady Fujoshi gasped, "You're right Sai! The Krakenslayer must kill it!"

"SLAY-ER! SLAY-ER! SLAY-ER!" Moxie chanted.

Supersaiyan Sally nodded.

"...maybe instead of fighting it...It simply...might need a hug? When was the last time you hugged him Slayer?" she asked.

"YOU WANNA HUG THAT SHARK-TOOTHED, FREAKING MONSTER? Eh, go ahead. I'll wait here...with the first aid kit, okay?" Moxie replied.

Supersaiyan Sally pouted. "He's still the source of Slayer's Inspiration, her drive, her power and her Zanpakuto. I'd get pissed too if people suddenly started attacking me even though I was doing my Job of helping my master..." she said, then mumbled something inaudible and kicked at a stone on the ground. "Nevermind..."

"Awwww," Lady Fujoshi said, hugging Supersaiyan Sally.

Lady Fujoshi waited with bated breath to see if The Krakenslayer would actually hug the monster.

"Moxie's right, its risking my life," The Krakenslayer said, "Is it worth a shot? Or do we do this the old fashioned way?"

"I can use my SNK 3d maneuver gear to get close to it, either option. Can you give me an opening?" she asked.

"Supersaiyan Sally has a good point. Try the hug." Moxie conceded.

"Yes I can give you an opening!" Lady Fujoshi cried at the same time holding up a selection of DA and Pinterest Kraken pictures.

Moxie used her sexy Eros opening to get the Kraken's attention.

The Krakenslayer nodded to her packmates and activated +3dmg to fly through air.

"Alright, then let's do this," Supersaiyan Sally, said grimly. She gritted her teeth and held up a sign with 'Ichigo x Orihime were the best choice for Canon. Change my mind.' printed on it. "That's not really what I believe but many People disagree so I wanna see what the Kraken thinks," she explained sheepishly.

Moxie waved goodbye to The Krakenslayer and began humming the Titanic theme, "My heart will go on!"

Supersaiyan Sally cast a glance at Moxie and tried to suppress a smile. I must not join singing...I must not join singing..., she thought.

Lady Fujoshi was momentarily distracted by Supersaiyan Sally's sign. "As long as you don't say Renji and Rukia was right for canon I shall leave you in peace. Renji shoulda been with Bya, RukiaxOrihime' and Ichigo with Kisuke," she said before returning her focus to the battle.

"Lady Fujoshi I agree 100% IchiHime is an atrocity that should have never happened, but if it surprises/distracts Kraken-san we might as well use it." Supersaiyan Sally replied "Over here Kraken-saaan!" she cried and jumped in the air waving her sign.

The kraken ROARED, its tentacles thrashed and flailed about as he tried to swipe at his master and her packmates.

Lady Fujoshi saw The Krakenslayer frantically scribbling the climax of her sacrificial story. "Omg how are you even working while doing this?" she exclaimed, admiring her packmate's multitasking ability.

"Years of practice, Lady Fujoshi," the Krakenslayer replied with a cocky smile. "Also you guys are super motivating battling Kraken-san with me."

The Kraken looked over at Supersaiyan Sally's sign and glared, meanwhile The Krakenslayer swooped closer, gracefully dodging the thrashing tentacles.

Lady Fujoshi stood next to Supersaiyan Sally and held her own sign that read 'RenjiRukia was best' while bile rose in her throat. "Kraken what do you think?" she taunted.

"I threw up in my mouth a little when I wrote mine too Lady Fujoshi," Supersaiyan Sally admitted. She patted her senpai on the back. "It'll be over soon. And then we'll burn these and make s'mores over the fire."

The Kraken swiped at Lady Fujoshi's sign, with an ear-shattering screech, enraged by the conflicting energies resulting from Lady Fujoshi's prior sacrificial rite using 'The Sun and The Monkey'.

The Kraken then turned on Supersaiyan Sally and lashed out at her sign as well its ire clearly aroused.

"Well at least we're distracting him!" Lady Fujoshi panted.

Supersaiyan Sally took a few steps back and pulled her senpai along behind her.

"Woha your's seems to have gotten him good...Hmmmmmmm...How about this?" she asked, revealing an 'Aizen&Hinamori 4ever' sign. She danced around with the sign, aiming for maximum distraction.

"Omg you're gonna get us killed!" Lady Fujoshi yelped.

Even in the heat of battle The Krakenslayer laughed uproariously at her packmate's antics.

The Kraken roared in absolute fury and picked Supersaiyan Sally up with his tentacle, glared menacingly at her, and let loose a deafening screech.

"Half a page left!" The Krakenslayer called out.

"Wohhaaa" Supersaiyan Sally cried, dropping her sign. "G-good kraken, I was only joking around...I mean pssffhh nobody REALLY believes that...AizenxGin jaaayy" she tried to calm the beast as fear-sweat drenched her brow and back. The Kraken roared unassuaged and Supersaiyan Sally winced, attempting to cover her ears.

"Ehhh?! Lady Fujoshi? A little help? SHOW HIM AIZEN X GIN FANART OR SOMETHING?!" she yelled.

"Wohhoo Slayer, Keep it up!" she added breathless.

The Krakenslayer saw an opening, put her pen down and swung up to land on the kraken's head. The enraged, bloodthirsty Kraken's head. She stumbled and dug her nails in fighting for purchase.

"Woah, easy there, Kraken-san..." she murmured. "One more paragraph now," she called to her comrades.

Lady Fujoshi waved Moonshield AiGin art frantically in an effort to calm the monster, "Hey look at this!"

The kraken looked up and seeing the artwork, slowly loosened its grip on Supersaiyan Sally.

"Ohh thank god Slayer!" Supersaiyan Sally cried. She petted the tentacle that had held her and whispered AizenxGin plotbunnies to the behemoth.

"Senpai!" tears of gratitude filled her eyes.

Moxie watched in fascination as the kraken relaxed, "So cooooooooool!"

Lady Fujoshi continued to show the Kraken sexy and sweet AiGin art as she edged closer to Supersaiyan Sally "You ok?"

"U-uhm well a Kraken was Holding onto me and tried to make me his lunch sooo Peachy, really." Supersaiyan Sally replied.

The Krakenslayer sighed in relief now that her packmates were safe again, looked at Kraken's Fate the bolt shiny with poison and threw it away. She laid a hand on the beast she was sitting on and petted the Kraken, her Kraken.

"Easy, boy i aint gonna hurt ya its alright..."

"Hug him! For the love of God, hug the Kraken!" Lady Fujoshi yelled, and hugged a tentacle as though to demonstrate.

Moxie joined in, hugging a handful of smaller, auxiliary tentacles.

"That's a good Boy." Supersaiyan Sally murmured as she continued to pet the tentacle.

The Krakenslayer embraced her Kraken with one arm, while she wrote the last lines of her story with the other.

She dropped to the ground with a celebratory cheer and rushed to the scribe stone to activate it and commence the ritual.

Supersaiyan Sally released her tentacle and cheered along with her packmate, "YOU DID IT!"

She then tackle-hugged Moxie, "Next time we're going with your plan, that Kraken is out for blood," she exclaimed, shuddering in memory of the Kraken's fearsome roar. "That was one hell of a ride," she muttered.

"Ahhhh, omg you're activating it?" Lady Fujoshi cried, crowding around the glowing blue stone plinth in anticipation of the ritual.

At that moment Nightfox walked in, a lit cigarette in her teeth. She looked at the destruction and the still squirming Kraken being hugged by her bloodied, exhausted packmates.

"I think I missed something."

"Nightfox!" Sal cried out, making the yipping noises that conveyed joy in packcode.

"Kraken-san was going out of controll and then Senpai and The Krakenslayer and Mad Nikolaya started fighting it and then I joined and then Moxie used all these awesome moves and then Moxie was caught in a tentacle but she let go and she landed on her feet and I fell on my face and The Krakenslayer made this cool plan and everybody attacked at the same time and and and," she rambled on even as she tackled Nightfox in joy at the pack's victory.

"Nightfox!" Lady Fujoshi called before also tackling her packmate in a hug.

"Turned out he just needed a hug," she added with a smile.

"Jep! But he gets really angry at Pairings he doesn't like..." Supersaiyan Sally explained as she let her packmate stand.

"Right omg he lost his shit over that lol," Lady Fujoshi agreed.

The Krakenslayer dropped her story onto the plinth where it disappeared in the blue glow and simultaneously dropped the kraken's reins.

"Night!" she said and knocked her packmate to the ground again with her hug despite her obvious exhaustion from the battle and subsequent ritual.

"Yeah I'll let these guys tell ya the story."


End file.
